Today I was out making contact with Doctors at Cancer Centers and Pain Management Facilities to see how I could help them provide their patients with a better quality of life through Hypnotherapy and Mentoring I, of course did not make it past the guard (receptionist) at any of the places I went, but I left my cards anyway. Some of the receptionist seemed a bit hostile too. Made me take a few minutes and clear on why I was perceiving their hostility. While I was sitting still on a bench contemplating how I could be better received, I saw a woman sitting not far away. She was an average looking woman in her late 30's to early 40's. She looked like any woman you'd see in the grocery store or at your kid's school. Her black lab was being very obedient sitting with her. I noticed she kept putting her head down and the dog would kiss her face every now and then, then look around like he didn't know what to do. I looked closer and I noticed that she was crying, quietly to herself. Now, I thought to myself; do I go and see what the problem is or do I leave her in peace to deal with whatever she is working through on her own... I am a professional, I thought to myself and of course I went over to see how I could help. At first, I just sat on the bench near her until she recognized my presence. The dog certainly was glad I was there and showed me by immediately licking my hands.
I waited a few more minutes quietly as she composed herself, wiped tears from her face and adjusted her blouse that had become untucked when she sat down. I saw out of the corner of my eye that she had looked my way several times, but she didn't feel annoyed at my presence, so I stayed. Another minute or so went by when I decided it was time to introduce myself and ask how I can help.
With a voice that was still a bit shaky, she began speaking and said "I feel paralyzed. Time is passing by, and I am not doing anything productive. I have projects and work to do, but I just don't feel like doing. I stay in bed and eat. I feel numb. I was very depressed and crying, but now things don't seem to matter anymore. I don't feel anything. I am unemployed, 52 years old, alone, and I'm running out of money. I should be getting ready to work, I send job application after job application, and nothing. I felt despair, but somehow I feel like things are slipping out, away.
I listened carefully without uttering a word or bobbing my head...Just looking, and listening.
She continued; "I would like to know how to get unstuck, how to find meaning in life, how to be active again. How to have
hope and be happy for being alive. My body hurts and I don't move. I am eating and gaining weight because food seems to provide some sort of comfort, but since it is temporary, I keep eating, and gaining weight. I feel I am on a path of
She takes a breath and blows it out as if to be releasing something from deep in her chest. Her dog looks at me as if to ask "Well? Whatcha gonna do?" then looks back at her.
I listen more as she begins again; "I lost the will to do things. I need to feel meaning in my life. I am happy when I am around people, but those times are so rare, and I feel lonely most of the time. Time is running out and my money is running out,
and it seems that no matter how I try I can't find a job, and I feel discouraged and desperate. So, now I feel nothing. I am numb.
She stops talking for a moment and the tears begin to flow down her cheeks again. Her blue eyes now red and tired. She wipes the tears away with an embroidered handkerchief and she looks off into the distance as if the answer is out there somewhere...and then she closed her eyes, wiped them again and asks me, a complete stranger...."How do I get out of
this paralysis? How do I get rid of this numbness? How to find meaning in life? Can you help me?
Now it was my turn to look away and off into the distance. At least I am sure that is what it appeared like I was doing. In fact, I was looking deep inside myself. I was thinking how strange it was that I was sitting here with this person, how my intuition forced me to be available for her in this moment. You see, it was just a few hours earlier, I too was feeling "paralyzed". I was sitting at my desk, looking at the list of things I had to complete, looking at my empty calendar; no client scheduled this week. I don't have the benefits of going to work everyday knowing that I will get a paycheck at the end of the week. I don't have paid time off or sick days. Clients come to me, I help them and they pay me. I use that money to pay my expenses, buy groceries, put gas in the Jeep and cover advertising, etc...Just this very morning, I too was paralyzed. I did not know what direction to go, what tasks to complete first, where to go to generate more business. For a moment, I felt this woman's pain. I felt her fear and even her loneliness. I felt her desperation.
Then, I returned to who I was at that very moment, not the who I was this very morning and I knew exactly what to do.
Because I was actually listening, I recalled her say "I have work to do". I did not need to get involved in the details of her work or the story. She had work to do. It is clear that being paralyzed was keeping her stuck from doing her work, whether it was getting resumes out, making calls, reading the classifieds or whatever. She just needed to get unstuck so that she could get moving again.
A million and on things went through my brain about what I could tell her to do about looking around and creating her own job buy filling the needs of others, or going to Day Labor, or...or...or. But, no...She seems to be a very smart and capable person. She no doubt knew all these options. The real issue is that she was stuck. And I know that there is really only one thing that gets us so stuck that we feel paralyzed and that is fear. sometimes it can grow over time, it sneaks up on us and one day BAM! it stops us dead in our tracks! Unable to see past it, giving us all too many reasons why we should just stop and give up on whatever it is we are doing. The pity is, is that often it convinces us to give up just before we reach the success or goal we were reaching for.
Again, I myself that very morning was stuck until I remembered a little trick I learned during many hours of research. The Pomodoro Technique! It's brilliant for just such a thing. Basically it entails setting a kitchen timer to 25 minutes, doing whatever work you need to accomplish for only that 25 minutes. You must learn to control your communication devices during that time. No Facebook, telephone, food, etc. Then reward yourself for 25 minutes doing something you enjoy. After that 25 minutes, goes get back on task for 25 minutes and so on. There is a whole certification class in this technique that is truly more detailed how to be productive but that does not serve this purpose in the moment.
This poor woman was feeling desperate, discouraged and lost the meaning to what she was doing. Almost every thing she spoke of was about time and how it is running out. She just needs to get organized again, get a grasp on her time, complete the tasks she knows need to be done and reward herself for completing them.
I gave her the information and as I sat there quietly letting her digest the new information, I waited quietly.
A few minutes go by and I noticed the tears had dried up. her face color normalized and her swollen nostrils and lips returned to normal. Her red eyes cleared. Finally, she took a deep breath and shook her head yes.
I smiled, gave her my card. She stood with me, shook my hand and thanked me with a smile. As she turned to walk away she looked back one more time and said "I got it, Thank You".
I watched as this woman, another human being, walked away with a bit of a bounce in her step...felt better about today.
I know I do.
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Ron RB Lake, CHt.
Hey Guys! I am taking advantage of the opportunity to provide current, relevant information to help empower you to live a life you love. My main focus will most often be about the world of hypnotherapy as I am reading, studying and learning constantly. However, I will be including fun and interesting tips on a variety of other things that will help you in your life.