"I think anything like that - which is contemplative, silent, shows a person alone - people always feel sad. Is it because we have lost the art of being alone?"

                          ~Andrew Wyeth

Work addicts or other folks who do an excessive amount are individuals who can seldom be alone. Being alone often instigates personal awareness, thought, reflection, contemplation of self and people we love.

Given that we populate our days and nights with activity, we are never alone. Aloneness brings us too near to ourselves, the very person many of us try desperately to lose.

Only in the event that we confront our fear of being alone will we have the ability to begin our own healing process.




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Today is a good time to spend some time alone,

thinking and feeling and not running.

"I'll be damned if I'll be a public utility.:

          ~HENRY R. LUCE

We're all so afraid of failure, especially if our short comings should be in any way public. That's why we seek moderation in so many things that we do. If we are committed to rediscovering what is important to us, we will recreate a system by which we can live, and not live out our days as a public or private utility.

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We who do too much are, to a greater degree shamed based. I need to be aware that my failures teach me as much as my success, and that obsession with work masks my pain.

We all have hopes and dreams and wishes for things in our life. We wish
we had more money, more time for the things we love to do, or time for people we
love to be with. We wish we had better cars, better homes, more of this or that.
Too often we waste time wishing, hoping, praying and dreaming instead of doing
what needs to be done to actually acquire our desires. We are watching mindless televisions shows, playing games on the computer, surfing the lives of our  friends and family on Facebook, or whatever we can find to do that distracts us  from accomplishing what we really want in life. Perhaps it is fear, or lack of  knowledge, lack of discipline or whatever. The truth is, it all boils down to the strength of your desires. When I was growing up, several phrases were  repeated by my parents all the time. 1) “If you can conceive it in your mind and  you can really believe it than you can achieve it.” 2) “Those who really want  something find a way, those who don’t find an excuse.” and two of my favorite I
read in a Richard Bach's book…”The best way to avoid responsibility is to say “I have responsibilities”  and  possibly one of my all time favorites…

”Argue for your limitations and they are  yours.”

So, the next time you notice yourself sitting there wishing, hoping or dreaming
about a better life or a better you; stop and look at yourself and see what YOU
are doing to create the life you love to live.

"By letting go, it all gets done; The world is won by those who let it go!"

               ~THE TAO TE CHING




That may be what so much of our compulsion is about: it isn't "natural" for people this day and age, in this culture, to "let go". We keep old models of achievements, and sometimes to disastrous methods of seeing things to aggravation. How often have we clung to what we thought was the life raft of sanity, of our work, or our desire to complete a task, for the sake of the task, not for what it brings us.

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It will be of importance to me to keep my real goals in perspective today. I will need to be mindful of what makes me and those I love happy, not simply what keeps me busy.

How is it that things don’t go the way you plan? Why is it that one person can accomplish something when another can’t given all the same opportunities and resources? It is because of an idea called the Golden Circle: it’s a simple idea coined by Simon Sinek.
This idea explains why some people are able to inspire and others are not.

What? – Every single person or organizations knows what they do. 
How? – Some know how they do it. 
Why? – Very few people or organizations know why they do what they do. 

Why? doesn’t mean “to make a profit. That is a result of what you do. By why I mean what is your purpose, your cause, your belief? Why do you or your organization exist? Why do you get out of bed in the morning? And why should anyone care?

Looking again at the Golden Circle, the way we think, act and communicate is from the outside in. From the what to the why. We go from the clearest thing to the fuzziest thing. The inspired leaders, the inspired organizations all think, act and communicate from the inside out. 

The mass majority of us who have something to offer communicate like this:
“I have a product” 
“It is beautiful, its perfect and it will meet all your needs.”
“Want to buy it?”
 
The response is usually “no” or even “maybe” with no action step in site.  This is how most of us communicate, it’s how most marketing is done.  We say  what we do, we say how we are different and we expect some sort of response,  some type of action. We expect someone to buy our products, or sign up for our
services or even vote for us and agree with our ideas. This is very uninspiring. 

Inspired leaders, practitioners, mentors, sales people and organizations take the opposite approach. They start with why. This makes them stand out from the masses. An example would be:

In everything we do, we believe in challenging the status quo. We believe in thinking differently. How do we do this? 

How - We create products and services that are packaged well, simple to use and
meet your needs.  
What – The product.

People do not buy what you do, they buy why you do it. 

The goal is not to do business with everybody who needs your product; the goal is to do business with people who believe what you believe. That’s your market, that’s your niche. 

All this information is grounded in the science of Biology. Not Psychology, Biology. 

If we look at the cross section of the brain from the top down, you will see that the brain is separated into three components. These three components correlate directly with the Golden Circle. 
The homosapien or neo brain aka Neocortex corresponds with the “what” level. The Neocortex is responsible for all of our rational thinking, analytical thought and language; the middle two sections make up our limbic brain and are responsible for all of our feelings, like trust and loyalty. They are also responsible for all human behavior, all decision making and it has no capacity for language. When we communicate from the outside in, people understand vast amounts of complicated information like features, benefits, facts and figures. But this does not drive behavior. 

When we communicate from the inside out, we communicate directly with the part of the brain that controls behavior. Then we allow people to rationalize the “what” with the tangible things we say and do. 

The limbic brain is where “gut” decisions come from. You can give someone all the facts and figures you want, they can totally understand, yet you hear the phrase “It just doesn’t feel right”. Why would we use that verb? It is because the part of our brain that is actually responding doesn’t understand language and it’s the best it can come up with. The limbic is the part of the brain that controls decision making, not language. 

If you do not know why you do what you do, how will you ever get anyone to buy your product or services or even be loyal? Apple customers are very loyal. AT&T customers are very loyal. Both of these companies make good products, provide good customer service but so do many others in the same industries. 
These two companies also have higher priced items then other companies
too. So, why are their customers so loyal? People don’t just buy their products,
they want to be a part of what they do. 

Again, the goal is not just to sell to people who need what you have. The goal is to sell to people who believe what you believe. The difference between inspired leadership and not, is that inspired leaders are driven by a cause, a belief. They are not driven by money or notoriety. They believe that they can make a significant change in the world or in the lives of others. They are not in pursuit of the result or the riches. If you talk about what you believe, you attract those who believe what you do. What you do simply serves as the proof of what you believe.

OK, so I been writing things about Mentoring, Hypnosis, Success, Prosperity and Wealth for years now, but I have been told its time to do the "blog" thing. lol I am not sure how this is going to pan out, but I am going to give it an honest effort.. As I write this I am noticing that the "v" on my keyboard is not working sometimes, so I will try to make sure that you don't get to read too many words missing a "v". :-)

I guess I should start out with who I am and why I decided to become a Hypnotherapist and Executive Mentor. 
Ever since I was a little kid, I paid attention to and sought to understand human behavior. Common questions for me were; Why do we think the way we think? Why do we do the things we do? and even when the results are not in our favor, why do we continue to do them anyway?

I was the kid who sat in the lunch area at school watching all the interaction between other students, actively thinking about the above questions. I would consciously watch interactions between adults in my family, friends of family etc. I learned at a young age to be invisible in a crowd so that I could really observe without being scooted out of the room. Over and over I watched people do the same things, repeat the same behaviors, talk about the same stories and give the same advise. 
Girls seem to fall for the same types of men repeatedly. I would even hear others tell that what they were doing and the same things were said often; "I know!, but I just can't help it." What did this mean, that they could not help it? They could not make the choice between a good man and a bad one? They had no control over being verbally or physically abused and choosing to be with someone who did not do that to them? I was a child, so the deeper answers to the questions did not come to me fully for many years. The men were very much the same. They would get caught doing something they were not supposed to be doing by family or spouse, then apologize swearing it would not happen again, yet some months later I would witness the same fight or argument all over again. Once again, I would hear the excuse "I can't help myself." Again, this furthered my interest into the study of human behavior with the intent to understand why we do what we do and why it is that we can not "help ourselves" This led me to the desire to "help" them if they could not help themselves. So, I choose careers whereby I could (or thought I could) help other people. 

All of my jobs included a strong aspect of service to others. I even joined a national organization who had in their Creed among other things "Service to humanity is the best work of life." I really do believe this line. I believe that anytime we can be of service to others, we not only make them better, we make ourselves better and the world becomes just a little better in itself. 

So, In several of my jobs going through life I began to notice a pattern. I would often be approached or simply assigned the task of being an employee peer councilor, a trainer or mentor. My supervisors all seemed to see in me things I really was not paying attention to myself. I was once told in an employee review that I was "compassionate, listened well, thought before I spoke and could build rapport with anyone almost instantly". I wasn't sure what all that meant at the time, but I appreciated being recognized with those skills. 

Over the years, I continued to use those skills to help others change their lives and begin moving in directions that were more suited for them. I learned from watching and listening to others as well as my own personal mistakes. Believe me, I have made just as many as anyone else and a few were real doozies...lol Yet, some of us live and learn. I know I have. 

So, over the years I went to college, studied way more on my own, utilized internet and library resources to their full advantage, attended dozens of Seminars, certification courses and group discussions to figure out that who we are, what we do and why we do it is really pretty simple.

It is all about programming.

We have program printed in our DNA that creates us physically. In that program are thousand upon thousands of years or writing and rewriting of the program that makes us exist. All that begins to come together the moment we are conceived. THEN...like a new computer fresh off the assembly line, we enter the world with the very basic of survival programing from the way our organs grow, the color of our hair, to survival instincts like our first smiles and coos to make our parents like us more. 

And, like that new computer with its basic programing that is often very user friendly, We are born, and begin to experience our external world. From birth to about age 7 (like any computer) we receive updates, and new programs input from other sources, like environment, parents, siblings, friends, other family and so on. All this information gets programmed into us at a time when we have very few filters. We really don't have the tools to keep out the junk so whatever we are exposed to just simply makes its way in. This programming creates who we are, what our personalities become, what are defense mechanism are, how we view the world around us, What we believe about money, success, happiness, relationships and so much more. All this happens in the first 7 years or so. 

So...what's the problem? Well, the problem is that as we age, mature and move into an adult world that is vastly different from when we were kids, those old programs become outdated. They are no longer affective in the adult life. And responding to your environment with the programming of a child is not productive and frankly makes little sense. 

I believe that every person has not only the ability but the right to rewrite their programming, to recreate the script that guides their lives. They have the opportunity to create a life they love to live, if they could only recognize that. It is never too soon or too late, The opportunity is now. And now is the time to take action.